You can take a trip as far as you want You can do what you want You can listen to the same old sad songs, they won’t work in a while Passing phases of bittersweet remorse You say we’re friends, I know we’re not That’s okay, there’s sort-of a price-to-pay The fourth word is never enough Your own words mean more I want to know what you want to say, not so pre-written that I can tell it’s fake I want to know what you really want to say, I want to live in it and understand every-way I want to fall with somewhere to land my feet Seems harder and harder to find it without breaking my feet I want to pierce your heart and make it into a necklace I want to say things that really are romantic I want to know what you say when you really mean it I want to know your real thoughts before you lose them I want to fall with you there holding me I want to know your real thoughts before you lose them

Walls of stone wrapped around me Hearts and faces blend to become you Racing down the street hand in hand No need to bring up tough questions I’ve been contemplating my sexuality a lot. The facets of it. I know I’m definitely not straight, but bi and pan can’t seem to define how I feel exactly… and it’s super tough for me, not to be all “poor me” because I feel sort of pressured to say what I am, because then people turn it into this case, like they need to figure me out… really I just want to be in love. And that’s kind of the same with gender. I’m stuck. I feel uncomfortable with being what I am now, not that I hate myself. I want to define myself fully but defining it makes it worse And hearts blend together And love is great and painful

I’ll keep this heart here and watch it flourish I’ll hold onto it with the ends of my fingertips Til’ the cliff collapses I’ll keep this memory shoved on my shelf of to-reads But the shelf keeps getting bigger Because I’m only on page ten All I want is you Won’t you be mine? I want you All of the time X7

There’s a sound that’s bleeding through the walls And it’s competing with me There’s a way I keep falling and you’ll grab me There’s a love you keep indulging, and it’ll save you Don’t get too excited, it’s not like that And we’ll fly into the clouds And get lost with the birds And we’ll disintegrate As rain falls and makes new There’s a thought that keeps provoking everything in you You’re not responsible for everyone's mishappenings There’s a love you keep indulging, and it’ll save you Don’t get so caught up in how And we’ll fly in the clouds and get lost with the birds And we’ll disintegrate as rain falls and makes new As birds fly in your hair x4

You’re not smoking that cigarette, I don’t think you are I think this is a cover-up for the thought that I hate you Magenta and Rebecca did it when they were younger Waiting out the last minute on the timer, time for your daily obsession We’ve all got one As the world does it’s rotation It’s still the same I don’t care what you do, I just won’t be there for it. I must’ve been thinking’ too deeply, you seem bored by me As the sun begins fracturing It’s not the same The waves and tides turning Still feels the same It’s not the same Still feels the same It’s not the same

I hope you’re doing okay, not that I heard you weren’t It’s just I noticed you’re wearing your ‘How To Leave Town’ sweatshirt a lot ~Maybe when we’re older, we can seek comfort in each other’s bodies, but for now~ If you need a hug, I can give you one I don’t want you to feel like everything means nothing If you need love, I can give you one You’re wrapped up in your hoodie, it’s from 1993 It has a bunch of holes in the place where it meets your hands ~Destiny calls for me to you, but if you don’t feel the pull, that’s okay~ Because it’s hard to tell, what you really want But if you need a hug, I can give you one I don’t want you to feel like everything means nothing If you need love, I can give you one

Her legs are weak from walking the ocean And her mouth is tired from repeating “Sorry” But the water never knew what she did to them He fell in love with her in his junior year He keeps repeating “Sorry” to himself But he never knew what he did to himself And if we started over, it would never be the same You’re weak and I’m weaker We could finally settle down, but we don’t know what to settle into (And what is sex if you hate yourself?) If we started over, it would never be the same (This isn’t sex this is just dancing)

You saw a stone by the side of the ocean And you said to cherish it, because it was you And I wanted to hold it, because all of you is you You mean nothing to me, and you hold me so close You mean everything to me, and you let me go You told me all about your heart necklace It was so beautiful, it shimmered in your grace You mean nothing to me, and you hold me so close You mean everything to me, and you let me go The water meshed over your stone The ocean cleansed your stone The water drowned over your stone The water drowned you Turn into a stone hurry… Hurry from me The water drowned you (one loud scream later) So about a month ago I read Shakseperes ‘Sonnet 116’ and it keeps talking about all these things love should be, how it should go on no matter what and no matter how old and saggy you get and how it shouldn’t change, but can’t your love change while continuing to love someone? Your love can grow stronger, and the way you show it can change, why can’t love change? You can say to your ex that you’ll love them forever, and you can really mean it, but if you break up it would be inappropriate to love them any longer, but anyways I wouldn’t know because I’m too scared to say shit…

Goodmorning, Melanie Dahlia How come everytime I try to sleep, you’re in my head? Dance with me under the stars And lay my love upon your breast and let it sink into your pretty head Melanie, why won’t you let me sleep? X4 How come everytime I try to sleep, you’re in my head? X4

Close your eyes, hold my hand, we’re halfway there Close your eyes, hold your waist, and fall right down Trust me.

I’ve been thinking about how much we change when we’re dreaming You grew so much bigger all in one night because of dreaming We were sleeping through the day, just to see if we would change But we knew change would not come, and we knew it was earned I stumbled on home thinking of sleep, but when I did nothing changed I’m so sick and tired of waiting around for someone It’s all over and done Everything’s been said It’s all done

I saw a small bird sat on my windowsill I reached for it, to comfort it But it flew away I went to a party, everyone swung their heads back for a drink or just to laugh I stepped outside, just to get some air, because I thought I would cry The bird reached it’s arms out to me And I ran away I saw a flock of birds with one flying away The bird flew to me, and I walked home with it in my arms

As the moon rises and shines into your eyes All the things I wish I could’ve said to you I tried to write you a letter, but there’s a reason the latter-half of what I am is attached to song …So here’s your letter darling And if I held you, you’d fall apart And if I were to tell you just how much I love you, it’d take a million years And by then you’d be working in some new apartment complex And I’d say “Hi” and you wouldn’t know who I am

I. I Left A Box With a Letter At Your Doorstep II. Holding Our Love In My Tender Hands When your world is filled with black And there’s no turning back A lit cigarette, in the back of your car We didn’t smoke it cuz’ it was a waste of time And I couldn’t help but agree, and the lungs weren’t much on an incentive I stopped yelling, even when you were far away Because of something that happened when you were a kid Press go on the car, it’s electric I don’t understand it, I don’t think you do either (Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, then you’re gone and you’ll come back then you’re gone…) III. 2:57 AM I think we’re both so afraid of being alone that we pretend we are to feel less when It happens In my dream I thought you hated me, I pretended it was reality Send it along, scream along And you tried to hide (I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONEEE) IV. Words Through a Filter You seem really done my love What is the price of love, my love? It’s been two years and I still haven’t felt your skin That seems like a lot of work my love Your love is a spectrum filled with every colour, shimmering shining Your love is a spectrum filled with every colour And unbanned website in my youth corrupted me And now I’ll never fall in love again (IV ½. 2:57 AM reprise) I think we’re both so afraid of being alone that we pretend we are to feel less when It happens In my dream I thought you hated me, I pretended it was reality Send it along, scream along And you tried to hide V. Ducks in a Dirty Pond in the Gravel To you: I could give you everything you need, I could give you everything you want I can make you reap all you seed, and we can make each other see that we’ll never be attached, no matter how much we plead to be. And we can make each other need to be together again, but that ship has sailed, no matter how much we view each other’s stories When we rest our pretty heads upon our silk pillows, we will know a freedom, not of joy, but of sadness, but free nonetheless And I pray for all the shame in me… that you feel no pain And I pray with all the lack of religious fervor, that you feel no pain And I pray with all the children that have never done wrong, but shunned by the one in their comfort, that you feel no pain Because I love you Because I wanted to, I promised you that… I Love. You. (Fuck I don’t even know where to start) (Fuck.) To me: And to myself in my own hormonal tendency: Why you? Why anyone? Why this moment, if not to teach you what you deserve and all you want? Now is all you have to learn. Now is all you can learn. And now is all you need to learn. And if you lay those forsaken hands upon your life aquatic, then what have you even learned? And you deserve all you have gone through without my own regret Why should you expect them to love you, if you cannot love your art? Why should you expect them to love you, if you hate yourself? Your love is what you deserve. I despise you for believing love comes without your own love invested. I despise you for every ounce of love you did not give, being too afraid of getting hurt. And I despise you because I see every wrong-doing you do, because I know you. Because I am you. To us: When you see your love for all it is: We are nothing but two teenagers who sexted. We are nothing but two people who truly loved one another but could not love together. And I am nothing but someone who is afraid of themselves. And I am not responsible for someone else's sobriety. And you are nothing but someone who was hurt as a child and is now obsessed with abuse and Deftones. And I am nothing but a man, afraid of becoming one, because I do not feel as one. We are nothing but two people who may be perfect but cannot do so together And when you see your love for all it is: You are in a wide sea of colours and I’m hidden in them VI. The Letter Atop the Box There’s a photo of us, but it’s not real We never met, we were just in love And sorry if I already said this earlier but I just wanted you. In my dream… We’re not kissing, I’m not inside you, We’re just holding each other But I woke up…

For the first time I stand on my own With two chairs in front of me, where they used to sit Then I went outside, but the sun scared me So I went back inside and slow danced with the chairs Their ghosts wouldn’t dance with me, I knew it was impossible but I wanted it to be Now today I went outside I still danced with them in a field this time Things are looking brighter, but that might just be the sun Their ghosts wouldn’t dance with me, I know it’s impossible, but I’m still hoping And I know one day I’ll be with them And they’ll dance with me, ghost or human Speech 1: Do you remember when I took you to see the Christmas lights? They lit the way through the cold, cold air and leftover snow. You smiled as the bulbs conjoined into their displays. We has waited and withered through the year to get to that. I wish I could have held your hand, but we were separated by a screen. Our love had grown so much up to that, the way we loved, it was so beautiful, having gotten to this place, we were so in love. After you left three months later. I swore no one could love me again, but this only hindered my ability to receive love, you need to be open to people, not that that will bring you love… no love is deserved, only earned through a series of everything you earn the love you think you deserve, love requires your whole heart. Are you willing to give it? And when I stand up and find you remain taller, I will stay content, this is where and how I stand, despite being medically taller Speech 2 Do you remember when I took you to see the Christmas lights? You were lit up with joy until all of a sudden you became quiet and sad, I’ll never know why, maybe humans are just sad sometimes, and that is okay, to feel the weight of any mental strain. I wonder what choices I could have made to avoid distance tearing us apart, but I understand there is no going back, all things are earned through a series of choices, but not everything that comes in this earning is deserved, that is why life is so messy, but love is only earned if permitted on both sides, if one side does not want love, then how could you love? Love requires everyone to give love, are you willing to give it? I hope now, more than anything, that your earnings post choices gift you splendid experiences, no one deserves evil unless earned. My life is different without you but I can still love and enjoy life, I will breathe now… Alright that’s it. How are we gonna follow this one up??